...that's pretty poetic, in a tragic sort of way...

A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true...

...Any time I got in emotional turmoil, I felt sick all the time, like at any minute I would die.

Deep...emotional understanding...

Not really....

Must break it out on the music....

Dearly Beloved...

Sotto voce....

You're feeling a bit wistful today, thanks to some old memories that have bubbled up from the past. It's a good time to reflect on them, but not to obsess over them -- you are in the present!


Most true.
Move on.
Get over you.
Whatever.

Rain Rain rain...drop drop drops

Park
Music idealogy.

So.
When I should be do some much aruging in the macroeconomic performace...Instead I spend it writing i love you...stay happy on paper then folding it into a heart...instead.
A little book coming out of it.

But you can't just look at it from one side. You can't just see the tiny box at times. At times...you must move out of the individual firm or industy but total demand and supple...or as it's called aggregate demand and aggregate supply

Yes. I'm being pleonastic....and using other random...subjects to "info" or to paint a picture of how I am today.
Of couse...I could tell you direct...making it alot easier for you.

But, where's the fun in that?
Let's begin...

It's rather sad. Inflation defined as a persistent increase in the level of prices occurs over time.
It happens with people too. Like, in 1974...73...whatever, pair of jeans would of been priced at £3.50, but similar quality jeans are presently selling for around £30.00. Rapid inflation has adverse effects on an economy, as it breeds further inflation, as consumers, workers and firms react in ways that lead to increased prices.
As aggregate demand is increaing, frims will be able to pass on their increased labour costs in the form of increased prices.
Not fun.
Eventually, actual growth will slow as rising prices are likely to lead to falling demand for firms' products from domestic and forgein markets, as a reult unemployment is likely to rise and aggregate demand will fall and actual growth will fall below trend as the economic cycle continues.

It does have a link in my life. Just to make sure. Not just giving you a crash couse in inflation.
Though during a negativ output gap, a low level of aggregate demand is likely to reduce inflationary pressure but lead to higher than desired unemployment and as a result, the Bank is likely to try to increase aggregate demand.
Bank...as in Of England.
Manipulation of aggregate demand by the Bank is aimed at creating price stability.

So. Topic for today is, Class....Am I fated to love her?
Another...FreeWill versus Determinism. BamBam....Freewill levels up!
+3 att
+9 def
+2 spee

...
With freewill, given the external constraints, I have a choice about what I do. A choice whetever or not to like her.
I doesn't seem to be the case. If it really was freewill, I would of had the choice to choose not to like her.
However...with freewill, it involves more than having a series of options avilable. If exaclty the same situation were to occur agian, Could I of fallen for someone else? A different decision?

I rather the deterministic idea.
As we can see, the principle of causality states that every event, every action and every change has a cause without expection.
Yet agian, if there is a cause, what would of been the cause for me to meet you?
Given a set of conditions, only one outcome is possible because of the laws of nature. Very much applying to physical events as well as our behaviour and decisions.

...Which means, We may think we are free because we are conscious of our actions, but this is only because we ignorant of their causes

Spinoza places it rather nicely. It's really is disturbing...that it was deterimed for me to fall for you. And that there is a hidden...possiblity sinster factor causing me to like you.
I dislike.
So, very, much.

It is the fact that we have the intention to do something that makes us think we have free will. However, our action is nevetherless, and it is rather sadistic, determined.
Not only we are subject to physical laws, but also very much;y to psychological laws. Muchly intentiosn are also caused.

Only one decision is possible. For every desision and every action, I couldn't of have done otherwise give the inital set of conditions.
Therefore, it was determined for me to like you. It was determined for you two to hate each other, it was determined today, you would say bye, and I would not hear it. It was determined today that you spend some time with me.

Which means; all our future decisions and actions can be predicted...if we was to only acutally be able to know every cause and effect.
Chaos theory. Every tiny little thing, will have a massive effect in the end. What may seem random, or trival will effect our future. It's determined.
So...what...that when I was young, because I...I don't know...stole that sweet(?) caused me to love you?

Recurrence, the approximate return of a system towards its initial conditions, together with sensitive dependence on initial conditions are the two main ingredients for chaotic motion. They have the practical consequence of making complex systems, such as the weather, difficult to predict past a certain time range (approximately a week in the case of weather), since it is impossible to measure the starting atmospheric conditions completely accurately


Systems of Nature....
Our life is a line that nature commands us to describe on the surface of the earth, without us being able to swerve from itm even for an instant.
Nevertheless, in spite of the shackles by which we are bound, it is pretend that I is a free agent, or that independently of causes by which we are moved, that we determine our own will, and reguate our own condition

There is no freewill because every decision is the result of previous brain activity. Mental decisions are in fact physical events which are suject to the laws of cause and effect
Mind states are ontologically brain states....mind statess exist as brain states.

My brain is determined to love you.

Oh dear. Will I have a choice to give up?
I do hope so.

I really do.

As the title says.

Quasi una Fantasia.

Over the seconds, mins, hours...days...into weeks, fornights...turning into months...And years.
They fly by.

Quasi una Fantasia.

They never helped you. Why should you listen to them?

ahhh...talking of my blog. And others. I used rather much ways to descibe my everyday life.
Makes you think, much harder than one needs to.

Rather like using common cold logic. Maths.
Metaphors. Much....Far too, pleonastic.

Yes. In today's rather long post. I must insist that you carry a logical brain and a dictionary.

And let's start off with my horoscope

You experience boredom somewhat more acutely than most and today brings it down hard. You may have to wait for far too long for a friend or loved one or work could get you caught in a loop.

I'm still waiting to go to the park with you. Indeed I did experience alot of work.
I wonder if she floccinaucinihilipilification (ates) me.

Well, telling of my story of how I met her...I really dislike this idea of fate.
I rather like the idea of determinism to freewill however. Yet...the idea fate seems...taunting.
Anyway, [*05*3] informs that I give up.
Funny that. You didn't tell you other friend to give up.
But she has a point.

Really I must.
I look at the piano sheets I borrowed.
...And it's werid. It's...just that I feel...inflated to...her.

Ah...the theory to most things are, rather boring. In this case, I refer to music. Music...is an art. You can't place rules on it.
It seems that I might of caught a pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis in music. Maybe, not the silica dust....just the coughing.
Actually not even the coughing. Just the gerneral acute viral rhinopharyngitis. Or the cute viral nasopharyngitis. Whatever.

Body just...dying. It's giving up on me.
It's not fair. Mentally I want to give up too.

But...I can't.
I look at her.
And...well yes.
I have this terrible feeling...That I'm still going to end up liking you...for a long time.
Very time long.
I just hope not "wedding dress"

So, I wake up placing on this fake smile. Coffee. Much.
Yes. I keep staring at you, even though you dislike people staring at you. Stare back. Look back in my eyes. What do you see?
And it's not long.
Before my heart bleeds no more since turning to stone.
No expression...Just. Mono.

I really forget the meaning of why we live.
Man's search for meaning of life...
Really, this psyschological presentation and psychopathological explaintion gives the impression that...I'm completely and unacoidably influenced by my surroundings.
Possibly?
No.
Determine my life...seems like it. Certian events cause me to endlessly meet her in the first place?
But are no mrore than a product of many conditional and environmental factors, be they may be of a biological, psychological or even sociological nature?

Maybe...meeting you was nothing but a accidental product of these. But I guess more importantly is my reactions to the singular world...of college life.
Does it just prove that I can't escape the influence of my surroundings?
No choice of action in the face of these....circumstances?

If I really was meant to meet you...then also meant to eventaully like you too?
I wonder. If you really think of me as much as I think of you...

ah...Welcome sunrise...It's easier to breath in the open window
And tell her only one thing...

Do you know? Along night roads
I walked barefoot without feeling sorry for my feet.

His heart is now in your hands.
Don't lose him and don't break him.
He's already too...emotionally broken.
Maybe I was too harsh to him.

To bring love ash in your arms, hitting feet in blood
To know his pulse is now in your eyes
Don't lose him and don't break him.

As you see, an active life serves the purpose of giving people the opportunity to realise the true values in creative work, while a passive life of enjoyment affords him the opportunity to obtain fulfillment in experiencing beauty, art or nature.

More importantly. And something I think about through my walks, is why we live, and our attitude to our existence. An existence, just merely restricted by external forces.

A creative life. And a life of enjoyment...nothing but banned to us. Not only creativeness and enjoyment anre meaningful.
If there is a meaning in life at all, then it works that there must be a meaning in suffering.
Suffering...as I painfully found out, is an ineradicable part of life, such as death. Though I welcome death far more.

Without knowing death and suffering...I guess our lives are not complete.

And let grey rain beat against my window in January,
Let her hug not me but still remember me,
And let her say my name aloud suddenly, And let herbe silent that she still remembers me.
But damned rain is burning the street lamps outdoors.
God...Darn. Rain...
Rain...rain...raindrops.

Really the connection between the state of the mind, and my courage and hope, or more like, the lack of them is nothing but the state of immunity of my body...will eventually understand that the sudden lost of hope and courage will have a deadly effect.

It really explains the sudden onbrought of me being ill.
I'm hardly...or in fact, never ill.
The lack of hope, in sciencific terms I can think of, is that one's body's resistance agiainst the infection, my faith in the future, ever growingly lacking will to live...slowly becoming paralyzed...and thus...fallen victim to the illness.

I guess the voice of my dream was right after all.

I'm so sorry for shivering,
And though I have tried whispered "goodbye"...And though I have tried to give up...
Silently while crying...I'm sorry? I'm just smiling.
Don't forget, don't forget....Refrain please.

Nitetzsche
"He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how"
Indeed, a most fitting motto for any psychotherapetic and psychohgienic effects.
It really does make sense. If there is an aim for our lives, then it strengthens us to bear the terrible how of our existence. Woe to us.
To those who see no more sense in your life. No aim, no purpose and therefore...no point in carrying on.
You have her...I'm sure. That's a good enough purpose in life.

And let her be silent that she still remembers me.
Eventually, when you find out that all you been through is nothing but suffering, you'll eventually believe it's your destiny to suffer. That ots a single and unique task. To acknowlegde the fact that even in suffering, you are nique and alone in the universe.

Even suffering has it's achievements...and opportunities!
Wie viel ist aufzuleiden!!
ahhh...and to how to get rid our this suffering...

I tend to weep it out of my system.
I'm not scared of my suffering.
Just that...maybe I'm not worthy of them.

Ah...with this uniqueness and singleness which distinguishes each individual and gives a meaning to our existence has a bearing on creative work as much as it does on human...love.
The impossibility of replacing a person is realised...It allows the responsibilty which anyone has for our existence and its continuance to appear in all its magnitude.
I think...I...not just I, anyone will become conscious of the responsibility we bear towards a human being who affectionately waiting for us....or even something as simple as to an unfinished work, will never be able to give up his life.

I think...'slong as there's someone waiting for him. He'll stay alive. He'll be happy...therefore...no biopolar mood swings.
However...if you leave him...thoughs of sucide will appear.
Not the fact maybe...he loves you. Maybe more towards he loves the idea of being in love.
Or maybe I'm being too harsh.
However...He'll know the "why" to stay alive...and will...intheroy be able to bear will...almost any "how".
I should hope.

Esd mich nicht umbringt, mach mich stärker

Probably the most famous quote.
What does kill you.
Makes you stronger.

Ahhh...the impartial the future...it really does seem hopeless.
Really.
Does it really, under any circumstances neaver ceases to have a meaning, and that this infintie meaning of life includes suffering and dying, priovation and death?
Listen to this poor creature...venting about the meaning of life.
Bleh...hardly touch the philosphical factors....

Moving on.
You have 3 points, A, B and C
And...A is connected to C and B is connected to C

Between A and C...there is no connection.
Well. More like A to C is a <----->
Whilst B is ===> to C
There really is no connetion between B and A. But the lenght is easily worked to the point of
√2

The length of B to C is 1.

Using sinθ=1/√2
Or...sin^-1 (1/√2) gives us θ.
Therefore θ=45 degs.
Or...1/4π rads.

Working out the angle of this...probably those highlight certian aspects of my dream.

Anyway...all you really wanted to know is what I dreamt.
I dreamt that...I died.
And before I died...she was mine.
Forever.

Quasi una Fantasia...
Quasi una Fantasia...
Quasi una Fantasia...

Quasi una Fantasia....

...And yes, I do realised missed yetserday.
Give me a min, it's been rather...upturn for me.

.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........

Oooh okey. Take deep breath.
As I make my way to lesson, which so happens to be...Maths.

So what do you have.
You have x=1
and x³+9x² +33x+25=0
Well, I'm sure you can rearrange x=1 to x-1=0

Now...from that we can divide that from x³+9x² +33x+25=0

giving you a rather nice x²+8x+25.
Therefore...(x+1)(x²+8x+25) is equal to x³+9x² +33x+25
Ooh...look at that it asks for solutions too

well, b²-4ac tells us that it's less than zero, Oh dear.
Only one real root?!
Well...using the quadartic formula, we'll get -8+ or - √-36 all over 2
But wait!
You can't have the sqrt of a negative number!
Of couse you can.
The answer comes to -4+ or - 3i
(x+1)(x+4-3i)(x+4+3i)

Solutions for X is -1, -4+3i, -4-3i

Meh, simple stuff really.
I rather like maths, unlike people, they stay certian. 2+2=4 always. -1 * -1 always = 1
Does make you wonder though. Why does it make 4? Why does it make 1?
In life it doesn't.

When in life will you see a double negative making a postive?
ahh...laughing at that idea very much.
With all this..."negative" stuff happening...I'm wondering when will I get this nice postive thing.
Even...if it is...-1*-1*-1-*-1-*1= -1.
I should...still get a postive number along the way...before finally hitting that negative right...?

ah...the bright sunlight, that one morning.
Woke me up slowly from sleep but nothing really mattered.

Rather odd dream...Well. I'm not going to tell you all of it.
You'll just either pity, or be sicken.

So you have a traingle.
Right angle one to be precise.
where 2π rads=360 degs.
So a traingle.
ABC
where angle < ABC is right angle and the angle to the right is π/3 and the h lenght is 5 So...another sinθ o/h sin π/3rads (or 60 degs) =o/5 giving you 5 *(sin π/3rads (or 60 degs)) =0

o = (5√3)/2

Really.

I miss 3 months of lessons? (well the doctor claims) And I catch up, and beat you guys too? Really, patheic.

Talking about simplistic people... He dreams about being alone? She was the last person to leave you? Ahh...fear of being alone? What a werid little dude. His family loves him. They bloodly spoilt him What does he have to fear of being alone. Really. Odd. that's putting it nicely by the way.

Moving on, I stopped pass the park. Hmmm, let's take a walk through it.
Think, think, think, think, think.
And it was just that I felt lost in my place.

At first, this blog was like a little place where I could insert times where thoughts became overloaded in the brain.
Rather...too much thoughts.
Then it came a little plea. Plea for help.
Hope you'll get the little message across. A little random hug at times when I'm down.
A little hand...please may I hold you hand...I'm rather scared of getting lost.

Just that no one seems to understand my mind, it really doesn't seem that anyone care to know what is it that troubles me inside.

You feel lonely?
You have far more than you think. Family...Her....friends...fun much.
My family is disfunctioning.
I woke up to early sunshine...

Really, I wish.
Rather more like to a suicidal...Nevermind.
It has powerful psychoical effects you know?
Espically on the youngest. Oh...don't mind me.
I'm totally cold hearted bastard who has no care for anyone or anything.
Because that's how I am.

You forget my birthdays...insult just about everything I do...And when you really need it, you want me to help you?
Go to hell.
Just...the feeling to know you'll die. Glads me up.
Stuipd. Arrogrant. Ignorant.
Eventually, maybe. You'll...di-

Oh dear. Just the longing for a family...Or maybe someone just to care for me.
I'm just a little child.
In the dark.

Thoughts of suicide. Hmm. Since very young.
I guess, what kept me going, was the fact, that I will prove you wrong.
I AM better than you. In every single way.

And I will make you pay.

Feeling lonely in my heart, it's just though everything seems to be right.
Everyone seems...so, happy.
What can I do? Might as well join them, smile with them.

And as I walked through my park...I see, I want...to
Take a walk with you, away
From everything that makes me want to cry.
So close our eyes...
Escape this town for a little while.

And in the midst of the old song of memories...I try to fall asleep.

Take a walk with me now
Be my friend.

So as I wake up at 5.
Bright and early for my daily races.
Where am I really going?
Going nowhere, going nowhere acutally.

And now my tears are filling up my glasses.
No expression, no expression
None at all.

So, when I'm upset what do I do?
Take a walk when I feel low and nothing seems to comfort me on the inside.

Oh dear. Tears.
They won't stop following.

Something as simple as me hearing your name...,

...Puts me in a place even I can't explain.

"avec moi..."

Indeed.
The greatest thing is...I could sit with you, and no say anything.

...And when we leave, it would of been the greatest conversation ever...
I mean after all true friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
...never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had.

Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts...

If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

shinning the light into your eyes
morning has come to start today but nothing matters.
everyone's seem to find their place
everyone seems to have a place where they do belong.

...don't want to be alone
but always see the shadow of the moon