I actually feel terrible.
I looked at her...and sudden overwhelming feeling of saddness....

Ahhh...
This time last year, if I was in the exact same sitatution, I would not of cared less. I would of even mocked them. And perhaps even rubbed it in their face.

Emotionally growing...It's scaring me.
I actually feel terrible.

I don't deserve what I got.
I didn't revise. I didn't...doing any practise. She did. She worked for it....She should got it. Not me.

I know it's not my fault...but I still can't help feeling...
80583, the amazing little person who makes everyone happy...even told me...This time it's impossibe to make her smile.

But...I guess; at the end of the day...I just want to see her smile.

"Smile...for you have a nice smile"
"You can't please everyone. If you keep on going like this...You'll only be upset yourself."

90357...

"It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while If one, settling a
Pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all." "

Tomorrow.

Life and death for some.

"For you my love...
It's only for you that I would crush the stars"

OMG
90131
YOU ARE SO HAPPY
I LOVE YOUUU

Bah. I should of picked drama...

Do you ever feel, that you cant seem to understand your own language?
That everything around you is so negative, that over time, you learn to block them out.
That the answers to the questions you want to ask, are silenced...Because you already know the answers will harm you.

So you make believe the answers you want to hear, because that will be the closest to real happiness that you will ever feel...But still you block everything out.

Even the voices dancing around in your head. Words no longer have meaning, because they have been used so often, not cared about, that everything is so fake.

Even the truth is so messed up. So you don't even bother functioning like a human, because your too mature. Or maybe you don't speak, because you realize that its a waste of your breath. And you count down to your last...

And in maths...as I've shown below...it grows everly so complex...and my emotional feeling, ever growingly the same...

Listening to melancholy whispers of a shadow - words of which I can sympathize with.
Speaking of glimpsing heavenly lights, - capturing such beauty has become a myth.

Describing being in the arms of darkness, - a soft embrace that should feel protective,
but feeling held back instead, - while staring at a light so neglective.

Sharing the inner fight of accepting,
this light is to only be admired in the skies,
but jealousy visits at the strike of midnight...when Light and Moon so beautifully collide.
ahhhhh, I forgot to talk to 90534...It didn't seem right.

Sorrow fills me up as the whispers fade...the trials of living in darkness is now known

a connection I feel so deeply,
for I call this forever shadow my own.

...Despite another over worked day.

And another complex day.

I got into a very heated aguement...Oh sorry...debate - 90534
It's not surpising really...that I'm a determinismist. We are all determined to die...To be honset; as a learning mathematican...Seeking a gernal law for everything...
You see, we don't have free will.
I'm willing to argue that agian...for anyone sake.

Anyway...You deserve much better. Leaving you worry....and scared...and angry.
Perhaps you should do the same to him...
ahh...You remembered about my pen! <3 style="font-style: italic;">And it's been a while since I threw in some maths...Have fun.

Work out the Sqrt of 3+4i

Supposing the square root of 3+4i is a+ib where a and b is real

Then

(a+ib)²=3 + 4i

(a+ib) (a+ib) = 3 + 4i

a(a+ib) + ib(a+ib) = 3 + 4i

a² + abi + abi – b² = 3+4i

(a²-b²) +2abi = 3+4i

By equating the real parts from each side of the equation, and the imaginary parts too.

I a² – b² =3

II 2ab =4

4/2a =2/a

Substituing into i a²-4/a² =3

A⁴ – 4 = 3a²

A⁴ -3a² – 4 =0

(a² – 4)(a² + 1) = 0

Therefore a² = 4 or -1

Since we supposed a is to be real, a² cannot be -1

Solutions are a =2 or a = -2

Substituting back into b=2/a

When a =2 b =1

When a = -2 b = -1

Therefore the sqrt is 2 +i and -2 -i

God...I feel so bored and alone...
What free will? It's just an illusion...

When I was young...and I used to read about chinese politcal figures...and chinese philosophy...

More than often, they would tell a tale of a great person...often dying due to overworking...

I would never knew how you could die from working too hard...

It's rather sad...but I realise how now.
The amount of things I do behind your back...

And the amount of work.
Damn it....Apirl...plannnnn come quick..

'least before I fall ill now...

Too late...I'm ill already.

Where are you?

It just doesn't seem right without you always here...
But, I guess...I should be used to it.

You're never here...

Eurgh...Ill in this amazing weather...how is it so?

I've found my pen.

I thought I lost it ages ago...

This pen is special to me...One and only....