I'm sorry

I'm going to have to.

You can call it complaining if you want.

You can call it moaning if you want.

You probably won’t even read this. You’ll probably too busy.

But if it doesn’t come out now, I’m not going to be happy tomorrow. And I want to be happy tomorrow, I’ve a birthday to attend.

You make plans with me and you then cancel at the last minute. You wouldn’t like it if I were to cancel on you tomorrow. Then you’ll say you’ll see me tomorrow. Then something happens, I understand life gets in the way, so I wait.

If I can't see you this week, I'll see you the next.
If not,
The following...
If never...

Well,
least I have my memories
but its okay. I love you.

You make me sit and wait for endless of hours, in the cold, just to see you for a few minutes. You keep on making me wait. Sometimes it’s not your fault, I understand; but least you could do is try.

It’s okay...I don’t mind. I love you

When I do get to see you, despite knowing how little time we have together, you do something like play a game by yourself, or tidy a room and just leave me alone, and by the time you finish, I have to go. You waste what little time we have.

It’s okay...I don’t mind. I get to see nevertheless, I love you.

You say you know when you’ve hurt me...Do you really? I didn’t want to look at you today I was scared of breaking down. Did you see that tear? Of course not. You were too busy.

So many things, that I dislike, or that I wouldn’t want to do.

But I still do it. Then comes a point when you don’t want to do something, I don’t force you.

It’s okay...I don’t mind. I love you

I keep it so hidden away from my parents, just to see you. I try so hard, sometimes I just feel...not appreciated. I do all these tiny things for you. You probably won’t even notice. You probably will never ever find that note I left you the other day. Or that heart I left on your doorstop.

I try talking to you. It doesn’t seem like I ever can get a sentence out without you going “shutup”. I ask about your day.

You say I don’t talk about my opinions or my choices often. Maybe it’s because every time I try, you say I’m moaning, and then you get upset.

So I keep my thoughts to myself. It’s okay...I don’t mind. I love you

So every time, after I visit, I sit and wait for the bus that never comes. I cough every so often as the dust of the cars flies by. I might shiver and so, as the cold settles in. I might even become ill cause of it.

It’s okay. And most of the time it was worth it. I don’t mind. I love you.

And now this month, I don’t think any was worth it.

I place you first in everything. I place you over anything. Yet...You just push it away, like it means nothing to you.

I’m ill, but it’s okay. I have paper cuts over my hands trying a scrapbook, but its okay. The irony is now that I’m feeling too ill for tomorrow. The day you are so happy about. The irony is that now every so often I feel the pain of the cut when I try playing the piece that will make you happy in the Christmas concert. It’s okay that I’ve been starving myself this month, just to save what little money I can for you, and days out with you, and presents for you.

I really don’t mind. Why? It’s because I love you

I want you happy.

But...I really wish,

It’s nothing much I want. I just wish you would value our time together more.

I just really wish that you try harder.

I need to find some medicine now. I need to be feeling better for tomorrow

Okay.

It’s all out.

I feel much better.

Need to finish off some preparations for someone’s birthday

I love you.

*on the brighter side of life...my piano is fixed!!! YAAY*