It has been a while since I have came on here and wrote something long and deep. It is also indeed the first post of 2013, and it does hit me making me think, does anyone still read this anymore?

I spend the past 30mins catching up on everyone's current/past life, and it's good to see everyone moving on.   It does make me think back to why I had a blogspot and the posts I've written on it, and well. Well, I guess I just have to pour out one's heart on here. Hey. It's not like anyone is going to read it.

First let's say, since I've started this blog, things have change. To paraphrase Coldplay; seas would rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone. And yes. I'm sorry. Things between us would never ever be the same because of me. And I never got the chance to tell you how much I regret. How sorry I am. It wasn't your fault, and I shouldn't have make it have been you fault. You were the closest thing I had to a friend back then. In fact, I would gladly say you were my closest friend back then. I loved you. I still love you. (just in case people are reading this it is a platonic love). I really don't know what to say. I wish I could go back in time and change the way I react. But I can't. I wish I could go back in time and change how things turned out. But I can't. And it is because of this, things between us might never go back to how it were. How we first met. It's that unspoken sight between us, and we don't mention but is there. I guess I'm just rambling on now, but believe me when I say, I'm truly sorry.

Secondly, I would like to mention the greatest friends I ever had. They are truly one special lot, and by special I do mean in special needs. There is no way they can be so lost. Whilst contact between us has been rather dire and as of late increasingly decreasing; I hope we do indeed stay in contact forever.

Thirdly, specially of two people who also mean a lot. Thought they probably won't realise it, but they are my favourite out of the group. She's pretty much like a sister to me. And yet again it's another platonic love, and if I were to be girl; chances are I would probably be you. You are a wonderful person and probably don't realise it. But hey, who does? It's best if you don't - your head's big enough anyway. The second pairing of this, well I've given it away haven't I? Not much to say expect I pretty much love you too. Even despite the lack of talk. Real men don't need to talk.

Fourthly, whilst I loved many people, this one person I can say I am .in love with. Really. I love you. Seriously. I love you. You make my world. You turned a dark cynic person into a glow of hope. If I ever needed a reason to stay alive, or to simply wake up; it's you. If I needed a reason to carry on, to start my day, it would be you. The English language, or for that matter, any language, falls short on describing how amazing you. I think in the most simplest way I could phrase it would be I love who I am when I am with you.

Fifthly, is to me. I forgot how to spell fifthly for a min. Also I don't like numerically dotting my points either. Unless it's in Roman numerals. But it's not like I'm coming back here anytime soon. In fact I do not know when I will be coming . Chances are, perhaps sometime in the next year. At any rate I'll soon forget and this will be something for me to read. Take life away. Anyway. Finish off your book. Yes you. I shall finish off my book, and I shall finish a lot of other stuff but more importantly stay in touch with the people above.

Am I loud and clear? Are we getting closer or are we getting just more lost?
Just's unwrite these pages and write them with our own words. Being philosophical has never been more of a burden. If love is a labour I will slave till the end.

Someone I loved once,
Gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
That this too.
Was a gift - Mary Oliver.

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